Some Random Thoughts As of Late

It seems there's been death about me lately and thus I've had lots of various thoughts running through my mind and my soul. We've been to two funerals in the past couple of weeks - one in a Baptist church to celebrate the life of Gwen, Tad's sister's mother-in-law and one in a Nazarene church to celebrate the life of Cathy, the daughter and sister of good friends. I also have a friend who lost a foster baby to SIDS. Her daughters are especially grieving that little life. I can only begin to imagine the pain...

The funerals themselves were interesting. Neither one being Orthodox, they left us with some amount of incompleteness on several levels and yet there were traditions that were warm and wonderful, like the reading of the cards and condolences at Gwen's funeral. Never before had I seen that done but it added a tenderness to the funeral to hear the roll call of saints who offered up their own grief as a gift to the family. In the absence of liturgy and vestments, the ushers at that church donned matching white gloves and dresses. They wandered up and down the aisles directing people, handing out fans, service programs and tissues in synchronized movements and seeing to the every need of the people in the pews. These people were repeatedly referred to as "The Church" - "while we are waiting for the church to be seated", "and the church say amen" - that seemed right. If only the rest of "the church" had been written onto the walls of the building in the forms of the saints and angels...

At the Nazarene church we were treated to hymns sung by the presider - a minister with a beautiful baritone voice. It reminded me of the times in my childhood when my sister and her boyfriend would sing "special music" at his Baptist services. (On those Sundays we would take leave of our Lutheran services and travel up the road to see the "inspirational performance". On one Sunday there we witnessed a series of believer baptisms in the bathtub installed in the front of the church. One woman lost her wig when she was dunked under the water. I'm sure Beth and Chip sang some special music that day as well.) There was a lot of sitting at that service. We participated only in the singing of one hymn - even the Lord's prayer was "performed" for us by the Baritone minister. Here "the church" seemed to have been either forgotten or solely a target for ministry. So much for the priesthood of the believers.

Both services, but particularly the one in the Baptist church focused on the deceased's personal relationship with Jesus - and our relationship with Jesus. Jesus was so much in the fore that we began to wonder where the rest of the Trinity had gone...Which made it funny to me when a friend I saw at the viewing began to question me about Orthodoxy and asked "You do believe in the Trinity don't you?" I was stunned into silence for a moment as I remembered that once I didn't understand anything about Orthodoxy either. But it was like asking me as a mother "you don't let your children play in the highway do you?" Our Holy Orthodox church having its Trinitarian beliefs questioned! The very church that was established in the sweat of our Church Fathers fighting against the heresies of those early days of Christianity! How could one think we aren't Trinitarian? But then this friend had never been to a Divine Liturgy, had never prayed the Trisagion prayers, had never crossed himself a hundred times in one Liturgy in the Name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit unto ages of ages amen! In the midst of Evangelicals who seem to have lost sight of the Holy Trinity, the question seemed absurd, insulting even....

I wanted to comfort the grieving with Liturgy. I wanted to hear Holy God! Holy Mighty! Holy Immortal! I wanted my friends to hear it in their souls that God is holy, might, immortal. Over and over in my mind went Christ is risen from the dead, trampling death by death and upon those in the tombs bestowing life! I wanted to press the icon of the Resurrection against their hearts and imprint the Victory of it in their minds. It wasn't enough. The funerals weren't enough. I think I will send Cathy's parents a little note at the times when we would normally be saying a Pannikhida for their daughter. The thing about that tradition is the respect for the grieving process of the family. The grief does not begin and end at the funeral. It is a different experience in 3 days, in 9 days, in 40 days, in one year....The Orthodox prayer life acknowledges that. That's why I'd like to go to an Orthodox funeral - would like the ones I love to have the benefit of the prayers, the Liturgy. I suspect it would feel more complete, more inclusive of the Trinity, the deceased, the grieving friends and family - something solid upon which to stand in the midst of sadness.