SEAL!

Finally, the long-awaited pictures from our Chrismation! I've been quite busy trying to keep my rapidly swelling feet elevated which is not particularly conducive to blogging as that places my typing hands within an awkward position snaked about my very large girth and reaching toward the keyboard...

At any rate, the whole week last week was full of frustrations and doubts for me. It was obvious the enemy of our souls wanted to create strife in those same souls but Sunday morning did eventually roll around and find us all healthy and ready. Although, as we all walked out the front door in our neatly pressed white garments there was more than the usual sibling bantering and verbal battering. Even the 5 minute drive to where we hold services proved near fatal to a deer that lunged headlong in front of the (rental) van - an occasion never before witnessed by my husband who has been driving this road for nigh 20 years now.

We arrived at the church unscathed, however, and almost early by Orthodox standards of time (i.e. only a few minutes late). The first thing we did was take off everyone's shoes and line them up along the wall. Fr. Greg had promised the children that they could go through the whole service - including Divine Liturgy - unshod and so we abandoned the shoes first thing (of course this wouldn't be unusual for some jurisdictions but is not common practice in the Ukrainian church). If you're counting pairs you might notice one pair missing - David didn't even bother to wear his into the van...and, yes, we allowed JM to wear his new Cars "crops" to church since they wouldn't be seen anyway...Nathan suddenly decided he loves to wear his shoes and socks and it took us several minutes to mute his protestations at the injustice of us doing something to him which he would normally do on his own within moments of being shod in the first place (his miniature wing tips are in between Betsy's and Ruth's sandals).

To begin with, we gathered all the children in the back where Fr. Greg asked us Do you wish to enter into union with the Orthodox-Catholic Faith?I do! Here I got a hit over the head with a tremendous peace and calm. All my fears, worries and doubts were dispelled as I clearly stated the whole purpose of all our preparations. The YES of my children from a couple of days before settled once and for all within my own soul and the rest was a wonderful ride into the arms of the Holy Spirit.

Fr. Greg laid his hands on each one of us as he prayed for us O Lord God of Truth, look down upon Thy servants who seek to make haste unto They Holy Orthodox Church, and to take refuge under her shelter.Those words, under her shelter...Finally I knew that I'm safe, moored on a rock and no more shifting around in the sands of the divided church. In the CEC we talked about women finding shelter under the authority of and submission to their husbands, the bishops and the presbyters. In Orthodoxy it is the Living Church Herself who shelters the faithful - and has been doing so uninterrupted for 2,000 years....Yes, This is a safe place....

We then got to renounce the various teachings we'd followed. We'd had an extensive conversation with Fr. Greg determining which set of questions would define those teachings for us considering our meandering path through much of Christianity. We settled on a set of teachings, the most important of which for us was the opportunity to renounce our recitation of the filioque clause in the Nicene Creed. Those three simple words - and the Son - have proven to be the core of just about every conflict we had within the church to that point. It was so good to renounce them, put them behind us, recite the creed as a family without them, and truly walk into our new church home one with the Orthodox faith and teaching.

We were now ready to enter the church with the saints awaiting us. Fr. Greg offered up the part of his vestments called the Epitrachelion and each one of us held onto it as we walked into the temple reciting Psalm 66. He led us to the Ambon where had been placed a Gospel, a cross, and the Chrism. Fr. Greg urged us Stand aright. Stand with fear. And before the Gospel and the Holy Cross of the Savior affirm your vow and each one of us in turn from Tad on down to the Nathan then kissed the Gospel book and the cross.

Next came the fun part. Fr. Greg anointed each of us with the Holy Chrism announcing with each sign of the cross Seal of the Gift of the Holy Spirit to which the congregation responded each time Seal!

Each of us in turn was marked with the Holy Chrism on our Forehead - SEAL! Eyes - SEAL! Nostrils - SEAL! Ears - SEAL! Mouth - SEAL! Chest -SEAL! Hands- SEAL! and Feet - SEAL! Nathan was none too enthusiastic about this part but Betsy and Ben in particular were beaming with joy. I think Ginny took this picture just to prove to me that I do have feet at this point in my pregnancy. I was beginning to doubt...

After the oiling up, there was general sponging down on all the same spots for each one of us and that was the celebration of the Holy Sacrament of Chrismation. We paused here for a few photo opportunities. There were so many cameras lined up across the row in front of us that you can see none of us were looking at the same one at the same time. This picture is our family in our white garments with Fr. Greg and our dear sponsors Ginny and Joe.

The kids were then able to take their Chrismated, barefoot selves and have a seat while Tad and I received the sacrament of Confession - a much-needed catharsis as we had much to put behind us and now much more to which we could look forward. With my hand on the Gospel and the icon of Christ before me, this sacrament took on new meaning and touched me deeply.

We celebrated after Divine Liturgy - during which we all received Eucharist for the first time in the Holy Orthodox church - with a picnic at our house. It was a wonderful time during which we were really able to feel a part of our new church family. Their love and generosity was apparent throughout our whole catechumenate and especially during this special celebration. Tracy brought us a flower. She had carefully picked over each one, counting blooms, until she found one with 9 blooms and a couple buds carefully tucked under the leaves. We thought that was so neat. I'll try to water it, but it will be a challenge!

The parish photographer, Alex, and his wife presented us with a large, framed print of this picture which had been taken during the bishop's visit last month - yet another beautiful gesture that said to us clearly we are part of this family. We have been included in the family photo album, grafted into the family tree, adopted into this Church. The bishop himself had expressed a desire to be there with us for our Chrismation celebration. He spoke to Fr. Greg shortly before the big event and expressed his sadness that he would not be able to make it. However, he specifically requested that Fr. Greg send him all of our Chrismation names so that he could offer prayers for us during the Divine Liturgy in whichever parish he happened to be this day. One special gesture after another after another....

Ginny and Joe gave us an icon to add to our slowly building collection. This one got hung immediately on the partition wall facing the dining room. It had already been blessed by Father. Ginny and Joe also offered another tremendous gift of their time and talent specifically for JT, Ruth and Miriam. Ginny makes beautifully decorated cakes which those three have never been able to try due to their dietary limitations so Ginny, determined to make them feel loved and included, spent several days converting her own cake recipe to Feingold specifications. The cake was gorgeous, tasted fantastic and made three of our brood in particular very, very happy. They did, indeed, feel loved.

Pani Chris had crosses for each of the children and then Fr. Greg presented us with an icon that came with a story. It seems about 5 years ago one of the parishioners traveled to a parish where he knew he would be able to buy some special icons that he thought the parish could then use to give as gifts as needed. He came home with 5 icons - 4 of which were common icons of Christ and were, indeed, given as gifts as a couple of years passed by. The fifth one, Fr. Greg said, was just a little odd - not bad, just different - and he wasn't sure to whom it could possibly be given as an appropriate gift. His conundrum was solved, however, when our family arrived at the church door and became catechumens. It quickly became apparent that this icon had been sitting in his office for the past five years patiently awaiting the arrival of our family. Receiving this icon as a special gift was the final affirmation for our whole family that we had come home. God knew just how to welcome us into this new family and had had the mercy to show us once again that all things come together for His glory and that He does, indeed, have a plan for us.

Chrismation - Tad's Recollections

Sealed!

Yesterday, we all got up early, washed up, dressed, fed the little ones, then everyone lined up while my dear wife put clean white shirts on all the kids as we prepared for chrismation. Even the van was white for the occasion (a rental while we await Clifford's repair). Naturally, hassle after hassle kept cropping up, from whining toddlers to lost car keys to almost colliding with a deer (in a section of town where I have never, ever seen a deer in over twenty years of driving through it). But, we made it to our mission church's borrowed temple space, and after removing everyone's shoes (my wife will put some pics up on her blog soon), we entered into the Christmation Rite.

My poor wife has been assailed with doubts and challenges all week, but they really didn't start for me until we began the "cleansing" by renouncing all manner of misguided beliefs. The key one for me was the renunciation of the "filioque", because I believe that this single word is the root of all the troubles the Church struggles with in the modern age, especially the charismania with which we have been up close and personal. Anyway, as these waves of random doubts and fears passed over my soul, I assuaged them by reminding myself of all the fine, upstanding Orthodox Christians I know, then those whose writings I admire (Anastasia Theodoris, FMG, Fr Alexander Schmemann, Fr Thomas Hopko), then to the great saints of the Church (St John Chrysostom, the Great Cappadocians, and so many more), and it suddenly struck me that this was what the Communion of Saints was all about -- that great "cloud of witnesses" that serves to strengthen and guide us through our fears and uncertainties. Then, the next thing I know, Father has the oil out, people are shouting "Sealed!", and then I've crossed that bridge and now stand as one with the saints of Orthodoxy. One by one the rest of my family joined me, and then we all stood together surrounded by the saints and the hosts of heaven.

The rest of the day was a joy. We had invited the parish over to our house to celebrate with a cookout, and it was great to welcome our new parish family into our home to sit, chat, eat, and get to know each other just a little bit better. They brought us some beautiful icons, which I hope we can get pics up soon. The weather was perfect, and everyone had a great time.

That night, after everything got cleaned up and my wife and I were relaxing, we compared notes on how we felt at the end of this long adventure. "Safe" was her word. "Home" was mine -- but not in the sense of returning to anything, but more in the sense of how we would refer to our adopted children on their arrival days as "bringing them home". We have been adopted home, and it is a good feeling indeed.

Many thanks to everyone who have supported and prayed for us during this time. May God grant you many years!

YES!

Yesterday Fr. Greg came and met with the children to discuss any of their questions and go over the Chrismation service, Eucharist, etc. He was explaining to them how we would stand in the back and not enter the church until we had answered some questions and then went on to tell them what the questions would be. The first question, he said, would be Do you want to become members of the Holy Orthodox church? He wasn't expecting an answer, he was just listing off the questions, but when he asked that three of the children shouted out "YES!" That's when it hit me. Yes! I want to become a member of the Holy Orthodox church. My children are excited - even Ben and JT are on board - and seeing that excitement in my children woke up a spark in me long dormant. My children have some intuitive sense that this is right and good but I think I've been hesitant to get excited, to fully enter in, to allow myself to be fully engaged and it took that resounding YES from my children to jumpstart my own sense of adventure and joy. I suddenly pictured us taking that first step across the threshold into the church (oh if only we actually had a church building and we could walk into the middle of the domed Christ!) and becoming something new.

A friend emailed me early in the week. She wouldn't be able to come to the Chrismation but her heart is with us and she reminded me that we may be attacked by the enemy of our souls this week. She was right - and the attacks came from people we know and love - people from our last church who just kept showing up all week in our lives and inadvertently reminding me of the mess we left. I should have been encouraged and glad to be moving on but instead I found myself feeling bogged down with old emotions, past guilts, insecurities that have no place in our current life.

I don't want that victory to belong to the evil one. I want the victory to be Christ's. I want more than anything else to join my children and my dear husband in saying YES! YES, this is solid ground. YES, this is a dwelling place of the Holy Trinity. And YES, this will be a safe home for us.

Talitokos

For those who don't follow the family blog, we've decided to name the baby Talitha Hope and we've been calling her Tali. Tad, in his infinitely clever sense of humor, has since dubbed me Talitokos - Tali Bearer....You know it's time for Chrismation when we've developed inside Orthodox jokes...One more day!!!

Getting Ready...

Last Sunday it gave my heart a little thrill when I went up for a blessing during Eucharist and Fr. Greg mumbled "2 more weeks" as he blessed me with the chalice. Now it is just one more week as next Sunday our whole family will celebrate the sacrament of Chrismation together and receive Eucharist after a long, dry many months. We are excited to become an official part of this parish which we have grown to love and to be one with the Holy Orthodox Church. There are still lots of questions and particularly that nagging question in the backs of our minds, but I think we are ready. We are ready to be a part of something ancient and wonderful and mysterious that will take us the rest of our lives to unwrap. If you live nearby and would like to celebrate with us, please come. It would mean the world to us to share this new expression of our faith with friends and family - or even perfect strangers who just want to taste and see a bit of Orthodoxy.

Who's to say it won't happen again?

And, seeing that we have already left at least one church with enthusiasm for another, what is going to keep us from doing the same thing down the road?

This question was posed on the On Our Way Home forum and I wanted to post my response here because it has been very much on my mind these past months. There is much more I could say about it but this sums up my thoughts.

I ask myself this question daily - sometimes hourly as our Chrismation date approaches. I embraced my PA Dutch Lutheran heritage with loyal gusto, I jumped into the charismatic movement in the Episcopal church and followed that thread around for years and through several denominations, I went into the Roman Catholic church kicking and screaming until I realized God had a great plan for my time there and there is much to love about it and then we found the CEC and that was going to be our final resting place - the one church that had it all - and it turned out to be a lie, a failure, the most painful stop on our journey.

Orthodoxy is like nothing we've ever experienced and yet everything we've been searching for but how can we know? How can we know we won't betray Orthodoxy and Orthodoxy won't betray us? We just can't. All we can do is cling to the hope that God does guide us even when we fail to hear correctly. And, there is really nowhere else left for us - short of jumping into a cult, we've pretty much been there, done that.

Honestly, I am still struggling with why we ended up in the CEC. Many have tried to console us with the God molding, shaping and making us lemonade argument but I just can't buy it yet. Maybe with more time and distance I will but I still feel like it was all a big mistake in judgement that could have been avoided. I am ashamed to say that out of my own prelest, I wanted a place where I could be prophetic and be heard. I found it...and my so-called prophetic words were twisted and used to justify prideful and hurtful decisions. This may be the foundational reason for me that Orthodoxy is where we belong now. They call pride what it is and seek after nothing less than the indwelling of Christ and the Holy Spirit. But boy does that look different to the Orthodox than to this former charismaniac! When I grow old I want to be able to dispense some small wisdom with simply a quiet wink and a nod - and even then recognize that I am but nothing in the ages upon ages.

New Hierarch in the Ukrainian Orthodox Church!

One of our visitors along with our bishop last month was Fr. Dan. We had encountered Fr. Dan once or twice before and each time he proved to be a very effervescent and enthusiastic priest. He was wonderfully playful with the children and very warm with everyone. This past weekend he was consecrated as a bishop at the Ukrainian cathedral in Parma, Ohio. Fr. Greg was able to travel to Ohio for the event (he and Fr. Dan were seminary buddies) and returned home full of wonderful stories and descriptions of the various ceremonies throughout the weekend. You can read about his consecration here.

Tad and I have been struck by the process of choosing and training new bishops in the Orthodox church. It makes sense that only those priests called to celibacy would be allowed to become bishops. The travel and pastoral duties of a bishop are definitely much better fulfilled without the addition of a family to support emotionally, physically and certainly financially as well. Fr. Dan was consecrated an auxiliary bishop first which means that in his youth (both physically and as a newly-consecrated hierarch) he will spend time learning how to be a bishop. He will travel quite a bit, observe a lot and take the time to absorb and learn even more. I found his remarks to the Hierachs of the church to be quite revealing of his humility and the humility required of the episcopal office. So much so, that I think they are worth repeating here:

“The will of the faithful of our Holy Ukrainian Orthodox Church of the USA and the Holy Synod of the Great Church of Christ call me this day to the most responsible service and authority of a Bishop, successor to the Apostles and witness to the words and deeds of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

It is with the profound sense of humility that I stand in front of you my brothers hierarchs, reverend fathers and brothers and sisters in the Lord and reflect upon my unworthiness to receive this call and be chosen for this profound service and responsibility – a bishop in our Lord’s blessed Vineyard.

I cannot help but to reflect upon the words of Holy Apostle Paul, describing the moral standards and characteristics of Episcopal service: “For a bishop must be blameless, as a steward of God, not self-willed, not quick-tempered … but hospitable, a lover of what is good, just, holy, self-controlled, holding fast the faithful word as he has been taught, that he may be able, by sound doctrine, both to exhort and convict those who contradict.”

A steward of God…. Am I worthy of this responsibility? Were the Apostles worthy of this responsibility?

They were simple people – fishing, collecting taxes – doing the things ordinary people do to live. Then something happened. They were called by someone and sent somewhere. And when that happened, everything changed. They saw themselves differently, went places they never thought of going before, thought thoughts that never would have come into their heads, and did things they never would have seen themselves doing. Their world turned upside down. They were called and sent – and everything was rearranged.

Standing in front of you I also reflect upon the words of Holy Prophet Isaiah, the very words that our Savior Jesus Christ once spoke at the beginning of his public ministry: "The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me because the Lord has anointed me. He has sent me to bring glad tidings to the poor, to heal the broken-hearted… to announce a year of favor from the Lord…"
One of the first duties of a bishop is the proclamation of the Good News of our Lord Jesus Christ.

I humbly realize that as a bishop, I will now enjoy the privileged responsibility of teaching the faith and proclaiming a word of hope and encouragement to people not only of our Holy Ukrainian Orthodox Church of the USA but to people of all cultures and languages. Although the circumstances may vary, ultimately, it is one same Word that people need to hear—the Good News of our Risen Lord.

In the Holy Priesthood - as bishops, priests, and deacons, we are ministers of God's Word, a Word that we can only proclaim to others if we have first heard it in the silence of our hearts through prayer.

Our work of evangelization naturally leads people to the Lord's altar, to a desire to share in the mystery of His Death and Resurrection through the Holy Mystery Eucharist and the other Mysteries of the Church.

My beloved brothers: as a shepherd, bishop is concerned not only for the unity of the Church, but also in looking for ever-new ways to promote the dignity of human life from the first moment of conception until natural death. As a teacher, bishop is not only handing on and renewing our Orthodox faithful in their understanding of the Faith, but he is also called to articulate our faith values and show how they apply to the many social issues of our times. I beg you to pray for me so that I have the strength to become a voice speaking on behalf of the basic human rights for all people. Because of my faith and ethnic background, heritage, and somewhat limited experience, I hope to have a special opportunity to witness to the special needs of people; to help others become ever-more sensitive to cultural diversity and the way our Church and our country will be stronger as we learn to share the gifts and resources with one another.

I solemnly realize that as a shepherd among my own - Holy Ukrainian Orthodox Christian community, I must deepen my own holiness through the exercise of my episcopal ministry among the people of God. I pray that my availability and sensitivity to the clergy and laity alike will be a source of joy and encouragement for them and for myself as well. I will do everything possible to help to build up the unity of our Holy Ukrainian Orthodox Church by involvement in the work of the parishes and institutions and organizations of our Church throughout the world that continue the teaching and healing ministry of our Risen Lord.
This evening, I spiritually prostrate myself before the Lord, acknowledging my human weakness and dependence on God’s mercy. Then, in all humility, with every fiber of my being I shall arise from the posture of prostration – a sign of my complete self-giving – and come forward for the most powerful but ever silent gesture of the descent of the Holy Spirit - laying on of hands, the central act of Episcopal consecration, a reminder that ordination brings a whole new identity, a new way of living.

I am being called to this ministry in order to serve in the name of the Lord. May I always remember that He alone is my life source and that all ministry will be effective and fruitful only to the extent that I must forget myself and allow Christ to work through me.
The obedience that I am pledging this day is not simply committing myself to a particular eparchy for a certain number of years. Rather, my obedience must embrace an attitude whereby I freely and completely immerse myself in this service and this Holy Ukrainian Orthodox Church with all of its gifts and needs.

I prayerfully reflect upon the question posed to the sons of Zebedee in the Gospel: “Can you drink this cup?” As I am consecrated and then drink of the Cup each day, may I be renewed by the love for the Lord and His Holy Church. May the Holy Spirit come down upon you, my beloved hierarchs and our whole Church, blessing all of us who serve together in His Name.
And so, with fear of God, I anticipate the descent of the Holy Spirit and with a child-like attitude I beg you, my beloved brothers and sisters in the Lord to remember me in your prayers, and you, my beloved hierarchs, I beg to bless me and remember me, a sinner, in your prayers so that the Lord will send down His Divine Grace and make me a worthy servant of His Church for His Glory and salvation of others. Amen.”


This is yet another of our hierarchs well on his way to restoring my faith in the true apostolic leadership of the church. May God grant him many years!