Friday, May 16, 2008

Who's to say it won't happen again?

And, seeing that we have already left at least one church with enthusiasm for another, what is going to keep us from doing the same thing down the road?

This question was posed on the On Our Way Home forum and I wanted to post my response here because it has been very much on my mind these past months. There is much more I could say about it but this sums up my thoughts.

I ask myself this question daily - sometimes hourly as our Chrismation date approaches. I embraced my PA Dutch Lutheran heritage with loyal gusto, I jumped into the charismatic movement in the Episcopal church and followed that thread around for years and through several denominations, I went into the Roman Catholic church kicking and screaming until I realized God had a great plan for my time there and there is much to love about it and then we found the CEC and that was going to be our final resting place - the one church that had it all - and it turned out to be a lie, a failure, the most painful stop on our journey.

Orthodoxy is like nothing we've ever experienced and yet everything we've been searching for but how can we know? How can we know we won't betray Orthodoxy and Orthodoxy won't betray us? We just can't. All we can do is cling to the hope that God does guide us even when we fail to hear correctly. And, there is really nowhere else left for us - short of jumping into a cult, we've pretty much been there, done that.

Honestly, I am still struggling with why we ended up in the CEC. Many have tried to console us with the God molding, shaping and making us lemonade argument but I just can't buy it yet. Maybe with more time and distance I will but I still feel like it was all a big mistake in judgement that could have been avoided. I am ashamed to say that out of my own prelest, I wanted a place where I could be prophetic and be heard. I found it...and my so-called prophetic words were twisted and used to justify prideful and hurtful decisions. This may be the foundational reason for me that Orthodoxy is where we belong now. They call pride what it is and seek after nothing less than the indwelling of Christ and the Holy Spirit. But boy does that look different to the Orthodox than to this former charismaniac! When I grow old I want to be able to dispense some small wisdom with simply a quiet wink and a nod - and even then recognize that I am but nothing in the ages upon ages.


JTKlopcic said...

You will always be something special to me for ages of ages.

DebD said...

I have also been asked that question by my husband. And with good reason. When you spend years wandering in the desert how are those that love us to know that what we have found is indeed the Promised Land? I don't really have a good answer except to faithfully follow the Church and to do so quietly until the day of my repose.

Anastasia Theodoridis said...

I, too, have wandered around a lot, with many stops in various places.

But here is my assurance now: I look at people who by following the Orthodox Way for many, many years have become saints. And I know that's who i want to become. So that proves to me I've at long last embarked upon the right path.