Yesterday Fr. Greg came and met with the children to discuss any of their questions and go over the Chrismation service, Eucharist, etc. He was explaining to them how we would stand in the back and not enter the church until we had answered some questions and then went on to tell them what the questions would be. The first question, he said, would be Do you want to become members of the Holy Orthodox church? He wasn't expecting an answer, he was just listing off the questions, but when he asked that three of the children shouted out "YES!" That's when it hit me. Yes! I want to become a member of the Holy Orthodox church. My children are excited - even Ben and JT are on board - and seeing that excitement in my children woke up a spark in me long dormant. My children have some intuitive sense that this is right and good but I think I've been hesitant to get excited, to fully enter in, to allow myself to be fully engaged and it took that resounding YES from my children to jumpstart my own sense of adventure and joy. I suddenly pictured us taking that first step across the threshold into the church (oh if only we actually had a church building and we could walk into the middle of the domed Christ!) and becoming something new.
A friend emailed me early in the week. She wouldn't be able to come to the Chrismation but her heart is with us and she reminded me that we may be attacked by the enemy of our souls this week. She was right - and the attacks came from people we know and love - people from our last church who just kept showing up all week in our lives and inadvertently reminding me of the mess we left. I should have been encouraged and glad to be moving on but instead I found myself feeling bogged down with old emotions, past guilts, insecurities that have no place in our current life.
I don't want that victory to belong to the evil one. I want the victory to be Christ's. I want more than anything else to join my children and my dear husband in saying YES! YES, this is solid ground. YES, this is a dwelling place of the Holy Trinity. And YES, this will be a safe home for us.
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