Dang It

It's been a day of dysfunction in our little household today. Miriam, apparantly, got her period yesterday but didn't tell me. Instead she hid her pajamas under her dresser, tossed out her underwear in the trash and then tried to go along as if nothing happened (uh, except for the blood running down her leg and soaking through her clothes - eww!!!). I guess she's not doing as well as I thought with this....I just don't know how to get her to *tell* me when things like this are going in. Once I can talk her through it she manages it ok - not great, but ok. But if I don't know....grrrr....

JT has been working himself up to a nice rage for about a week now. He finally boiled over today. I'm not sure what triggered it except that maybe Ben is catching up to him in Math. He just can't get it in his head that we actually love him and want him to be a part of this crazy family. He also will not admit that he has some God-given talents and he is actually *good* at something. He was pushing my buttons all day - angry, defiant and finally out and out rebellious and disobedient and then he went away and we couldn't find him for about an hour (he was hiding in the attic). It always scares me when he goes away even though his counselor is confident he isn't really suicidal but he can get in such terrible rages and say such awful things about himself...

I took Philip and Ben to their friends' house and when I got back JT was doing his schoolwork, still rattled but trying to pull it together. He continued to be defiant and push my buttons but all day long I remained calm - perhaps a first for me when he's pushing *that* hard (he knows what to say to really wound a mama's heart!). Maybe this Jesus Prayer is sinking in a bit.....

And Ruth, well, she's just getting under my skin today with the other two having their issues. A friend of mine came to the door and I turned around to find Ruth sitting in direct sight-line to my friend with her skirt to her hip and her hand in her crotch. The child is just asking for trouble. (I know what you're thinking - young girls always have their skirts up - but, believe me, there is much more to this behavior than meets the eye). Her cluelessness has to do with having been traumatized 6 years ago before she ever showed up on our doorstep. It amazes me that kids can get so messed up for the rest of their lives from abuse that happens in the first 18 months.

The whole day would have gone quite a bit smoother if the 3 Man Destructo Team hadn't been particularly intent on destroying the peace. Naps are all a muddle these days as Nathan insists on little naps and then waking up the rest. Nate had Miah up way before he was done sleeping so Miah spent the rest of the afternoon on a path of destruction. I suppose most people might have one or two of these problems in a day but I don't know many (although I do know a few) who experience all of this in one day and, yes, we did still manage to school the big six in the midst of it all - with a super-duper map review I made up. We are amazing when it comes down to it but dang it, I just don't *like* days like this.